I've got some explaining to do...

This post is long overdue.

I am engaged (since September) to be wed in May.

This may seem a bit out of the blue and shocking coming from an outspoken dating/marriage cynic. But for us, it's been a long time coming.

 I met Sean Fall of my Sophomore year. My roommates nicknamed him the neighbor boy who wears  dresses. When he found out another Arabic major was living next door, he put on his Arab garb and knocked on our door. Ahlan wisahlan.

We call ourselves friends of convenience. Not only was Sean my neighbor, but he was also my TA (cliche, I know). We attempted to set each other up with different friends. It's a shame neither of those dates worked out. We also spent a lot of time studying together. Well, I studied. Sean climbed on tables and knocked over book shelves in the library.

Sean says I exaggerate.

The realization of my feelings for him was gradual and yet, kind of sudden. I mourned his loss when we went our separate ways at the end of the year, one to Jordan, the other to DC. We still kept in touch and started dating when I returned to Utah. Vwallah.

It is difficult for me to bear my feelings for him. They are normally kept private, much to his chagrin. No post I write will ever do him any justice, which is why I have been hesitant to write about him for awhile.

I value so many of his attributes especially the many of his that I lack. He is beloved by those who meet him. He has a gift of interacting with people and I enjoy seeing him work a crowd. He talks. Like a lot. But it's probably a good counterpart to my taciturnity.

We share similar interests--the Middle-East, Arabic, travel, politics, ethnic food. However, we are opposites in most other capacities and I bask in these differences.

Sean is so well-versed in many topics. I'm proud of what he has been able to accomplish. He is open-minded, tenacious, and eager to learn. I've already learned heaps from him and am thrilled to learn much more.

He emits a quiet calm. I feel utterly and completely relaxed when I'm with him, which is quite the feat. His chi is a lot more tranquil, a lot more enjoyable, and a lot less chaotic than the lifestyle I've been living lately. 

We will be married on May 24th in the Oquirrh Mountain temple. I mostly chose this because I really like the spelling, but also because Sean suggested it. :) Our reception will be at the Holmgren Historical Farm later that night. We would be honored if you could attend. 

Like I said, this is brief and imperfect. I wanted to introduce him before he starts to frequent my posts from here on out.

I also want my (two) readers to know that Sean makes me a better person and I love him. I've never been so sure about this as I am now--apart from him since July. I'm weary of this long distance business and ready to be with him permanently.

And also I'm really, really happy.

to my Podagee, Hese

My earliest memories of Jess are of him standing, sucking his thumb on the hill above our student apartment at NAU. His stick-straight-hair never sat straight, but instead stuck straight out at the sides and on top of his head. His feet stood pigeon-toed. His little limbs carried his protruding belly, like the kids in Africa with the bloated bellies, except I know he was never starving. He was always eating someone's food, if not ours, the neighbors'. 

He was always dirty like ... more than normal kids should be. I think his face was permanently stained with the burnished, rusty color of Arizona dust. 

He wrapped his monkey legs around everyone and everything. He was always climbing on things. 

Basically, he started life existing as a sort of primal animal.

Jess was the lucky one to get the brown, athletic, muscly, Portuguese genes. Fitting, because our parents gave him the Avila name. If they gave it to Jayk, people would be confused. 

Also his eyes are super slanty and droopy so much so that when I was little I wondered if he saw straight. Apparently, he does because his coordination is pretty impressive. Maybe, I'm the one with the crooked eyes. 

Jess has always had the uncanny ability to make people of all kinds fall in love with him, even men. It's quite the talent. He is always surrounded by friends, mostly girls. 

There is an exception to this rule. Some teachers don't seem to agree with his teasing antics. I'm pretty positive Jess got more detentions than all of us combined. 

Family pictures have always been a fiasco. Fifty percent of the blame goes to Jayk and the other half to Jess.

Check out my knees. I'm surprised I could ever walk straight. Jess learned at an early age that he could take me down when I was being too bossy. I never had the same power over him again. 

Jess and Jayk have always been best buds. They always have to be touching each other. I'll never quite understand their bond, but I enjoy watching it. Unless, the attention is directed physically towards me.

When he plays the banjo, he bears all of his front teeth.

Jess LOVES working. Last summer, we would sometimes walk to work together. He would chant, "I'm ready. I'm ready. I'm ready" the whole way there. For those of you who don't know, this is a spongebob reference.

He really knows his stuff about boxes.

He also loves bailing hay, especially when he's with his people in St. Johns, AZ. 

Mom reminded me of this story the other day. She took us five to our annual doctor's appointment. We eagerly waited and eavesdropped on every sibling. Consequently, our annual doctor's appointment transformed into our annual size-up competition. Jess was so little and Jory was this fat, squeezable baby. So juicy. In hopes that Jory would out-weigh him, Jayk and I chanted Jory's name while he stepped up to the scale. Jory. Jory! JORY! and then the crowds went wild! Our Vietnamese doctor told him, "You need eat more snack." (See my mother for an impression.) Jess cried the whole way home.

When we moved to Pennsylvania, I looked up to him. He called me out a couple of times (rightfully so) for being a brat. I needed to hear it. He is a good example to me.

I love going rock climbing with Jess except for when he drops me for cheating and I have to start over. That's just cruel for someone who breaks a sweat on the kiddie wall. 

Everyone should know that I'm better at yoga than Jess. He likes those breathing videos.

(Just kidding). However, we have to agree that grandma is better than both of us.

I put this one up because of our cute outfits. 

And this one because Jess wore a pimp suit to a church activity and because Jayk is batman. LOL

Also! Everyone, someday Jess is going to buy me a pick-up truck. He lost a bet. Can't wait to take everyone out on my sweet, new ride!

I'm proud of you. I'm excited to see what you do in the future because I think you are so talented. Good luck with school braddah. I'll be seeing you soon. 

After a stressful day, I was happy to discover this song on my I-pod.

Enjoy.

Sometimes when I miss you, I log onto facebook and watch all of your videos. I watch you play Uncle Kevin's guitar with your tangled and un-snipped wires. Your favorite. I watch your stubbornness, but also your alacrity as you humor others song after song.

If only you could see the effects that you have had on number three and number four. If only you could hear them now. They plunk and they twang just as you did, adding their own distinct hues to the racket we call music. Their tenacity to make sounds intensifies with each pulse.
 

 I eagerly await the day when you will see what has transpired. I eagerly await the day when we will find our family whole. But I endeavor to combat my selfish desire because you labor in the thick of true altruism. So for now I'll be content watching clips of you and Uncle Kevin's guitar with the tangled and un-snipped wires. You add your cheeky variations, your way of rebelling against the many song requests. My favorite.

#FirstWorldCountryProblems

Arabic paper is DONE.
Font:14
Spacing: 1.15
Sources: 16
Pages: 15

What did it take?
My soul
and countless weekend nights at the library.

SO much self pity when Saturday nights are spent in the library.
It's kinda pathetic.

Anyways, DONE.

What got me through?
Vanilla coke
and Alexis Jordan's up-tempo song "Happiness" on repeat.

Yeah, embarrassing.
 Especially since I tortured Liz relentlessly for liking the song.
 (Hypocrisy at its worst)
Ya3ny, what ever gets it DONE, right?

What else?

I cannot drink another coke or I will throw up.

My eyes hurt from looking at a computer screen for hours.

Also, I've had to alter my walking pattern to avoid the blossoming trees on campus.
They incite terrible campaigns of sneezing and hours of watery eyes.

I want to go outside, but there's no wifi.

I hate working at the Gap.

(And so the internal debate continues:

Continue my abusive relationship with Gap while holding on to what is sacred and true

 or lose my discount.)

OHHHH
and

My roommate is engaged after less than two months of knowing her fella and will be married in June.
June. Juney. June
I suppose this isn't a #firstworldcountryproblem though. I'm debating which is better, #mormonsandmawwiage or #thirdworldcountryproblems.

 Even though I'm forced to listen to high-pitched squeals, I know I'm going to be fine because it's free pie night at the Village Inn and I can actually go.

"Hallo fellows, pie fo freeay."

Instead of Preparing for Class, I'd Much Rather Be...

Laying on a hammock in Old Creek Canyon watching dark clouds gather and smelling the mixture of warm rain and dirt roads.

Dancing on a falooka in an unfamiliar land, hearing an unfamiliar rhythm, imitating an unfamiliar movement.

Running Izaak Walton trails with Csilla and syncing to her pattern of breathing.

Watching my dad paint while we listen to music of the best kind.

In a hot yoga class for two.

About to embark on an adventure using public transportation. And there is no time frame and no need to rush.

Listening to Jayk strum some chords on his guitar and sing some Bob Dylan tunes, his pitch dipping in and out of tune.

Taking a nap in the shade of a tree. It's hot, but not humid.

Dancing in my 560 N 845 E kitchen to some raunchy music with roommates. The smell of baked goods is filling the room. Also, we pray the mold under the refrigerator doesn't continue to spread.

Naked.

Starting a field hockey game. I'm excited, but mostly apprehensive.

Listening to a good o' tale, one that has been recited countless times, one that is hilariously familiar.

At a market place. No one has regard for personal space or control of their personal volume.

In a playful wrestling match with Jess, only this time I am the one who has biceps and he is the one that resorts to biting.

On a long walk at a late hour.

Listening to my mom hum the harmony of a Carpenters' song and secretly wishing I had her low, smooth voice. I will never admit that to her.

In the middle of a night game. Screams and laughter are echoing.

Barefoot and sandy.

At the beginning of a road trip with Ynna, only this time she's driving and I'm in the passenger seat with my feet up on the dashboard. Instead of gummies, our snacks consist of ham roll ups and ice-cold slurpees. We swap deep, dark secrets.

Responding to Jacy's never-ending string of questions, trying to be witty, trying to make her laugh.

Pretending to be asleep, only I am under the covers with a book and a flashlight.

Drinking a cold glass of sobia from a juice stand. I use a community, glass mug. Sometimes they rinse it off, sometimes the residue of a stranger remains.

Running across the bottom of the ocean weighed down by a massive rock. I'm safe below the unbridled waves.

Thumbing through Jory's never ending hair, fighting sass with some more sass.

Stealing a mango from a neighbor's tree and passing it down a long line of Soliais.

Playing with Liz in an abandoned St. John's tree house, practicing drills in case of a freak tornado or hurricane or fire or volcano eruption. Next up our playground is a log, but we can only see a pirate ship.

Sitting on the porch of a Lancaster row house listening to the racket of a banjo. It's a summer day. And there are no mosquitos.

Reunited and it FEELS. SO. GOOD.